Leading with Love and Sacred Presence: A Spiritual Shift Within Fatherhood

Brian Anderson was overwhelmed by fatherhood. But the emotional rush wasn’t what most people would expect. It wasn’t panic, or fear of the unknown, or crushing responsibility. He didn’t feel burdened or lost. Instead, joy surged through him. Watching his daughter laugh and play filled him with a radiant sense of awe. Beneath the wonder and adoration, though, he couldn’t shake a growing unease that he didn’t really know how to be a father. He didn’t have a blueprint for how he envisioned fatherhood — an example of how to parent that aligned with his heart and felt true to who he was.

Like many men, Anderson had inherited a model of fatherhood shaped by traditional masculinity. It taught men that fathers were protectors, financial providers, and disciplinarians. Love wasn’t lacking but was often expressed less directly. Fathers contributed to the family through hard work, long hours, and financial presence wasn’t part of the script.

“I remember pushing my daughter around in circles on this tricycle, and she would just laugh and laugh,” Anderson shared. “We didn’t have a finished basement at the time, just storage boxes and a tile laminate floor. But it was this magical land. I was just having fun being present.” In moments like this, Anderson realized that he didn’t want to just be a paycheck. He just wanted to give his daughter what he was coming to realize as the most precious, significant gift he could offer: his intentional, loving presence.

This awakening marked the beginning of Anderson’s quest. He wasn’t searching for advice on daycare or college funds. He didn’t need practice, tangible evidence proving certain parenting pedagogies, or a library of how-to books. Instead, his soul yearned for a spiritual community of fathers who understood parenting as one of the most profound, impactful, and mighty acts of love. He wanted like-minded fathers who saw this new dimension of their identity as sacred and who celebrated fatherhood as necessarily emotional and relational.

Missing Pieces, Missing Presence

The more Anderson examined the role models he’d grown up with, the clearer it became that something vital was missing. The fatherhood he witnessed was functional and distant. It was neither emotional nor present. Research supports his observation: according to the Pew Research Center, about six in ten fathers report spending too little time with their children, citing work obligations as the primary reason.

These norms felt incongruous — painfully opposed, even — to the father Anderson felt himself called to be. Suddenly, there was a misalignment between what society had plotted for him and what he felt. This uncovered a new variation of the loneliness epidemic that has become pervasive and is discussed at length in modern society. Especially among men.

Alarm bells have been ringing for some time about this modern and tech-heavy era, contributing to an astounding and heartbreaking necrosis of interpersonal connection. In many ways, modern men are drowning within themselves, lacking emotionally substantive connection. And importantly, they lack a society that sees them, is willing to manufacture the life vests they desperately need, and opens space for them to embody the full spectrum of human emotion.

Anderson wasn’t able to find a fatherhood that felt physically, emotionally, and spiritually present when he looked at the male-dominated communities he was previously involved with. “There was always some armor or mask that I had to wear,” he recalls. “I didn’t want that [as a father].”

Anderson craved a version of fatherhood that honored and embraced the spiritual weight of raising a child. To him, this version would recognize a father’s voice as a sanctuary for his children, his embrace as a sacred act, and his presence as a manifestation of love. But he still had many questions about becoming and learning. He knew that he couldn’t do it alone, nor did he want to.

“I remember thinking, I’m struggling with fatherhood. Looking around me, I realized that I didn’t have a set group of friends that were dads. So, I went about finding friends [to whom] I could ask these questions.”

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Eventually, Anderson met Chris Lewis, another father raising daughters and wrestling with similar questions. At the time, Lewis was writing and speaking about fatherhood and had launched a Facebook community. He labeled the space “Dads with Daughters.” Anderson jumped at the chance to join, hoping this was where he could find a sense of belonging. He quickly became a key voice and leader.

What began as a modest online group quickly grew into a sacred fellowship. Fathers shared not just parenting wins and struggles but the deepest parts of themselves. They laid bare their anxieties, questions they may have otherwise been too embarrassed to ask, stories of personal growth, and reflections on faith and spirituality. In sharp contrast with many other highly masculine communities, vulnerability was welcome and even encouraged in this space.

“We tried to make the group a safe space so fathers can be authentic,” Lewis shares. “We also don’t define fatherhood in a specific way. An uncle could be a dad even though he has no biological kids.”

The Sacred Center of Fatherhood

For Anderson, this space wasn’t just emotionally supportive; it was spiritually transformative. Drawing from his own spiritual tradition, he often reflected on how fatherhood reminded him of the Judeo-Christian story of Elijah in 1 Kings 19.

“God wasn’t found in the earthquake or fire, but in the gentle whisper,” Anderson shares. “It’s a great metaphor for how we hear the voice of God in our children and all the chaos of our world around us.”

That resonated. Others in the group, from diverse faiths and spiritual identities — including Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, secular, and questioning — responded. Each saw something sacred in the identity and everyday acts of fatherhood.

That sense of reverence became the foundation for Fathering Together, a nonprofit organization co-founded by Anderson and Lewis, dedicated to reimagining fatherhood through connection, compassion, and shared wisdom. At its height, the “Dads with Daughters” sub-group within the nonprofit grew to over 150,000 members, thanks in part to a Facebook ad that ran during an NFL game at Yankee Stadium. Even as numbers expanded, Anderson and Lewis maintained the spiritual connection and heart of the community.

To preserve the spiritual essence of the community and distinguish it from other unwieldy Facebook groups, moderators were introduced. “We try to safeguard the members,” Lewis says. “There’s no shaming. People can be who they are and who they want to be.” At times, that meant removing those who brought in negativity or judgment. But this commitment helped preserve something rare: a space where emotional honesty wasn’t just allowed but encouraged.

What set Fathering Together apart went beyond its scale. “I want my daughters to know that I will always be there for them and that no matter what happens in life, they have unconditional love from me as their father,” Lewis shared. The group had an ethos, a soul.

The idea that love is not transactional but tethered to presence pushed against centuries of conditioning that defined fathers as distant providers rather than present caregivers. In its place was a deeper vision: fatherhood as intimacy, as listening, as sacred love. And fatherhood that is surrounded by the sanctuary of community. This became a place to hold the long, invisible work of rewiring for generational healing.

Healing Generational Fatherhood

Anderson recalls one group member who took a retreat with his wife to decide whether to have children. “He went on a personal journey where he spent time reflecting in journals on the challenges that he would have to reconcile, his career ambitions, and how they would work with raising children,” Anderson shares. “He has three boys now and doesn’t feel like he has to sacrifice his career. He has just evolved his career to meet the needs of his family.” This was an evolution rooted in communal knowledge, empowered by concepts of sacred parenthood.

The online group evolved into a network of smaller, focused communities: dads with sons, fathers navigating custody battles, and those raising children in various locations, from the U.S. to Kenya and Malawi. They organized school events, pushed for family-friendly workplace policies, and created spaces where love was not only shared but expected. And centered.

When the COVID-19 pandemic hit, the world withdrew — but this group leaned in. Dads posted pictures of tea parties with toddlers, live-streamed dances with daughters, and shared reflections, showcasing the power of connection during chaotic times. “There were many days during the pandemic that I just felt good about life because of this community,” Anderson shares. The connection became an anchor.

However, even as Anderson’s involvement grew with Fathering Together, he was reminded — sometimes painfully — that centering the sacred in fatherhood is intentional. It requires ongoing action. One day, his daughter looked at him and said, “Dad, you are not being a good dad to me because you are always working. I know you are trying to help other people be good dads, but I need you to be a good dad to me.”

Her words stung. “It doesn’t matter how much you are making if you are not present,” Brain admits. Yet, in that moment, he still saw something beautiful: “She had trust in the relationship from all of that time early on to speak the truth,” he says. Honesty occurs when a child knows their voice will be heard and respected. She wasn’t afraid to call Anderson back to the father he promised to be.

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Anderson returned to the principles of servant leadership, a framework that centers others’ needs above one’s own. In a spiritual sense, it means seeing fatherhood as a devotional act. Today, Anderson employs a sacred-centered approach to prioritize and shape his daily decisions, turning down extra work to spend time with his kids, making space for family traditions, and modeling humility when he falls short.

Fathering Together has evolved into a broader organization called All Parents Welcome, but its founding mission remains steady. Fatherhood does not need to be an isolated act or transactional duty. Fatherhood is a testament to the sacredness of love and the importance of presence. It is showing up, holding space for children physically and emotionally, and embracing vulnerability. It is about raising children who understand that a parent’s greatest gift is presence.

The intersection of modern masculinity, entrenched expectations, and a dearth of infrastructure encouraging vulnerability and complex emotions highlights the need for broader change. Rooting that change in the Sacred – in the belief that connected, loving souls create healthier minds, bodies, and families – offers a way forward that no amount of child psychology books, solidarity op-ed articles, or best-selling parenting methods can recreate.

Today, when Anderson sits with his daughter, he is surrounded by a global community, united by the belief that fatherhood is not just about what you give, but about how you love. And it’s about sharing your true sacred presence, freely and unabashedly.

How might individuals, families, and entire communities be served when fathers view their role as sacred, and when they are supported by spiritually-rich and emotionally-liberated connections? How could centering the sacred positively impact the modern parenting experience — and the generations of children who follow?

By Suraj Arshanapally