My Grandmother’s Gift: An Ethic of Sacred and Transformational Love

My grandmother cried when I told her that I was going to be a political organizer. I remember her smile, the one I counted on for affirmation and love in a world that often felt challenging, quickly disappeared. I couldn’t imagine what I had said wrong; I was doing the very thing I thought she wanted me to do: transform the world. My grandmother, rocking back in forth on her porch, sitting on her favorite green metallic chair would speak deep into the hearts of her twenty-something grandchildren. She told us that we were “called by God” to transform the world into a place that welcomed “the least of these.” For Earleen Polk, her black grandchildren, raised in South Dallas Streets, would be the very ones God used to alleviate the suffering that she knew wouldn’t end in her lifetime.But when my news didn’t seem to answer her prayers; her heart broke.

She looked me in the eyes and made me promise, “Don’t be like those people who come to our doorstep every four years. They ask for our vote, make big promises, and don’t come back till the next election cycle—with the same lies and broken promises. We remember.” I still see the grit and hurt in her eyes. These moments mattered to her and to many who lived on streets like hers.

But how many of our organizational strategies are dependent on this way of operating? We engage with the “other”—people we don’t know, but need for a “win” of an election, for critical resources of a project, for an immediate need. We make big promises and do not return till we need them again.

But our transactional relationships can't allow us to be the transformative agents our world needs. We harm people by our inability to be in relationships and to be accountable to them. We choose to ignore our community's rich humanity tapestry. By being with fellow citizens, love transforms us through deep relationships, rooted in what is sacred to us.

My grandmother in that moment changed my life because she taught me why Democracy matters. Democracy is about the people, about the whole citizen. Our work must start by wrestling with the wholeness of the people we interact with. By having an ethic of knowing each other and being willing to invest the time and energy in a relationship beyond our right-now needs, we create new pathways that destroy the false walls that we have created between each other. Because in truth, we need each other to transform what we see in our world today.

The Fetzer Institute is investing in an Ally Development team whose mantra is to transform our world through the intentional friendships we create in the field of philanthropy. Our team recognizes that the problems in our world require a new kind of approach. One in which we build out true partnerships, true alliances, based on us taking the time to know each other, to understand the why behind our presence on multiple Zoom calls, and to co-create work that sings to all of our hearts.

None of us are dispensable here—no one should be used and then not spoken to until the next need arises. We are more than our jobs and our money. We are the sum of stories. We must take the time to know them.

Imagine what happens if we can build alliances and relationships where we know our stories. We know about our grandparents’ hopes and dreams for their children and for this world. Disagreements could become chances to listen. This is because they are more than quick deals.

We follow the core principles of a healthy Democracy. This allows us to see the wholeness of our humanity. And, it gives us the insight to know this is truly vital. Our experiment will be to do philanthropy differently based on an ethic of radically sacred love. This ethic is defined by the quality of our relationships. It's defined by our ability to see each other and to share our stories. We will be transformed not only by what we do, but by sharing our humanity. May we be judged by the quality of our friendships—and our willingness to create from a place of deep knowing.

Rodney McKenzie, Jr. is VP of Ally Development at the Fetzer Institute. He’s a graduate of Union Theological Seminary and spends his free time obsessed with James Baldwin, Nina Simone, Essex Hemphill, and Audre Lorde.